The Framework That Changed Everything: A Personal Journey with Boundaries
Full moon blessings, friends! Welcome to the third and final installment of our three-part monthly series exploring the top themes (understanding what’s essential, limiting beliefs, and boundaries) that surface most consistently in my readings, mentoring sessions, and five years of full and new moon tarot curated insights.
In the past months we’ve explored cultivating the essential in our lives and limiting beliefs so that we might better understand how to move more fully from our intuitive Self. This month, we're diving into boundaries. Let’s get started.
Prentis Hemphill author of What it Takes to Heal describes boundaries as "the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." I love this idea. When we don’t have healthy boundaries not only are we not showing love to ourselves, but we limit our love for others as well.
When Boundaries Finally "Clicked"
I'd heard people throw the word "boundaries" around everywhere - in conversations, on social media, in self-help contexts. It seemed like everyone was talking about them, but I honestly didn't really understand what they were or how to embody them in my daily life.
Then, as part of my life coaching certification, I picked up Nedra Glover Tawwab's Set Boundaries, Find Peace, and everything shifted.
What struck me wasn't just what Nedra shared, but how she presented it. Her approach gave me something I'd been missing, which was a clear, actionable framework that transformed boundaries from an overwhelming concept into manageable, practical steps.
The breakthrough came when I realized I'd been approaching boundaries all wrong. I was waiting for the "perfect moment" or the "right words" to appear magically when I needed them. Instead, Nedra's framework showed me that boundary-setting is a skill you can practice and prepare for.
This insight changed everything for me, and it's why I created the worksheet that accompanies this newsletter. I wanted to capture that "aha moment" and make it accessible for my own growth and for anyone else who's felt stuck in boundary-setting limbo.
What Made This Framework Different
It made boundaries feel accessible. Instead of this big, scary thing I had to figure out in the moment, I could break it down into steps and practice ahead of time.
It honored the emotional reality. The framework acknowledges that setting boundaries brings up feelings of guilt, fear, and anxiety…and that's normal. It doesn't try to bypass these emotions but gives you tools to work with them.
It prepared me for pushback. This was huge for me. I'd set a boundary and then crumble the moment someone challenged it. Having a framework that anticipated this response and helped me prepare for it was game-changing.
How to Tell You Need to Work on Your Boundaries
Sometimes the need for boundaries isn't obvious. It shows up as a general sense of overwhelm, resentment, or feeling like you're constantly giving more than you're receiving. Here are some signs that boundary work might be calling to you:
You feel drained after certain interactions. If you consistently leave conversations or situations feeling depleted rather than energized, it might be a sign that your boundaries need attention.
You say "yes" when you want to say "no." This classic boundary issue often comes with a side of resentment—you agree to things you don't want to do, then feel frustrated about it later.
You feel responsible for other people's emotions. If you find yourself constantly managing how others feel or walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting someone, healthy boundaries can help you take responsibility for your own emotional well-being without carrying everyone else's.
You struggle with guilt when you prioritize your needs. Taking time for yourself, saying no to requests, or choosing your preferences over others shouldn't feel like a moral failing - but if it does, boundary work can help.
You feel like you're constantly "on" for others. If you find it hard to relax or be yourself because you're always considering what others need from you, boundaries can help you reclaim your energy and authenticity.
Relationships feel one-sided. When you're always the one reaching out, helping, or accommodating without reciprocal energy, boundaries can help restore balance.
The beautiful thing is that recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change. You don't have to figure it all out at once, you just need to start noticing where your energy goes and how it feels to be you in your relationships.
Reading Nedra's book was the beginning, but the real transformation happened when I started applying her framework to my own life. I began mapping out specific boundary scenarios, practicing the conversations, and preparing for my own internal reactions.
The worksheet I've created takes this approach and structures it in a way that's become invaluable for my own boundary work. It's not about having all the answers, it's about having a process that supports you through the inevitable challenges that come with honoring your needs.
Boundaries in the Cards: Tarot Wisdom for Your Journey
For those of you who connect with tarot, you might recognize the energy of boundary work reflected in several cards from the Smith-Waite deck including the Six of Pentacles, the Seven of Wands, and the Justice cards. These archetypal images offer beautiful visual metaphors for the boundary journey we're all navigating.
Six of Pentacles shows us the delicate balance of giving and receiving. The figure in the center holds the scales, deciding who receives and how much - a perfect representation of healthy boundaries around our resources, time, and energy. This card reminds us that we can be generous while still maintaining control over what we give and to whom.
Seven of Wands depicts a figure standing their ground against opposition, staff in hand, defending their position from a higher vantage point. This is boundary maintenance in action, it’s the moment when you need to hold firm against pushback, criticism, or attempts to make you abandon your limits. The figure isn't attacking; they're simply defending what's theirs.
Justice sits with her sword and scales, embodying the principle of fair exchange and clear consequences. This card represents the necessity of boundaries for maintaining balance in relationships. Justice doesn't apologize for her decisions, she weighs what's fair and acts accordingly, just as we must when we set and maintain our own limits.
These cards remind us that boundaries aren't about building walls. They're about creating conscious, balanced relationships with ourselves and others. When these energies show up in your readings, they might be inviting you to examine where you need clearer limits or encouraging you to stand firm in the boundaries you've already set.
Your Boundary Journey
If you're someone who "gets" boundaries conceptually but struggles with the practical application, you're not alone. The shift from understanding to embodying often requires a bridge and a framework that makes the abstract concrete.
Whether you use my worksheet, dive into Nedra's book, or find another approach that resonates with you, the key is moving from thinking about boundaries to practicing them. Your relationships, your peace of mind, and your authentic self are worth the investment.
A Practice for This Week
Choose one small boundary you've been wanting to set. It doesn't have to be earth-shattering. Maybe it's not checking work emails after 8 PM or asking for 10 minutes to think before giving someone an answer.
Use whatever framework feels supportive to you to think through:
What you want to communicate
How you'll handle your own emotions
What you'll do if someone pushes back
Remember: the goal isn't to become a boundary-setting robot. It's to develop the skills and confidence to honor your needs while maintaining your relationships and your sense of self.
Resources for Your Journey
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab - The book that shifted my entire approach to boundaries
Setting & Maintaining Healthy Boundaries Worksheet - My practical companion for boundary preparation. Download it HERE
Boundary practice - Start small, be patient with yourself, and remember that this is a skill that develops over time
Boundaries aren't walls that shut people out. They're the foundation that allows authentic connection to flourish. Here's to honoring your needs and creating space for your most authentic self to emerge.